about me

it feels impossible to describe who i am with no guide to go off... i've been avoiding it for days and to what end truly? i never had to create this page in the first place and yet i still decide to torment myself with every passing hour that i add nothing to it. and i know that once it's written, i'll want it gone or replaced within a week. in that sense, i am a person terrified of innaccurately, or even just out-of-datedly, representing myself to anyone; and still one who feels perpetually compelled to make definitive expressions of who i am. this seems more and more apparent in my recent weeks of life as i find myself rapidly barreling towards some cumulative point i can't quite concieve.

if i began at the start - or rather, the start of this parenthesis in the infinite history and future of the soul - i'd say my mother told me i came from the moon. as a child growing up within the constant pursuit of the wordless It (phrasing that i can only settle for, since It is something that to pretend it can be contained in words is to commit false-idoltry. apologies that i can't surely express what i'm talking about without it already being known), and with my human father being something of a dillweed, and with my mom's inherent affinity for the fairy tale (a trait passed to me by her, clearly), it was a regular axiom between she and i that i was born from the moon. that if you truly took a look at my dna, the most you might find of human ancestry would be my mother's. of course, being a story-infatuated person my whole life, the moon was also prevalant as a figure in countless other ways. hence, the moon man persona you see on this page.

in life, i found myself on a very long walk with the two wolves inside me. each wolf represented many things, changing moment to moment, visibly transforming in four dimensional ways that i, in my human perception, cannot explain. being young as i am, i can't even bring myself to regale the story of this walk despite my immense impulse to, as the path behind me may be short and clear to see, the one in front is ever-winding, and, after so many years of walking backwards, i think i've reached a turning-point - literally and figuratively - and now i can't tear my eyes away from the sky beyond me to explain my presence to the woodsman i've met on my way.

i don't feel like i've told you anything about me still, even after three paragraphs of flowery prose entirely unlike my natural way of speaking. but i don't think i'm able to drop this act now just to share with you my biometrics or personal interests, no matter how accustomed to that sort of "about-me" i've become. i think at some point in my life i developed an aversion to performance - sharing my most immediate personality to anyone that didn't even ask, fearing that any level of performance was innately inauthentic... but now, a decade of this journey later, i'm reapproaching my method of self-expression and starting to believe that restricting myself to that box of who i "already am" is far more insincere than allowing myself to perform the way i'm inspired to do.

if that's enough, which i think it must be by how i can't hear any more words to share, then i conclude my description here